I'M A CHRISTIAN...NOW WHAT?
Letting Go And Holding On To A Promise
I had a friend back in 2004 that committed suicide and for the longest time, even now as I write this, I felt extremely guilty. I felt guilty, because I had pushed him aside as a friend after I had promised him that things would never change when I left California to relocate to Montana with my parents. I promised him that I would always value our friendship, that I would stay in touch, and would someday even come back. Instead, I did the polar opposite and allowed our friendship to drift apart. While he would make strides to keep in touch by making a phone call or to write a letter, I would in turn not answer the phone or write back for whatever reason.
The day, he committed suicide it had been around about two years since I had moved and we had very minimal contact with each other, but he made one last stride to reach out. He called my house and I had been out with family and missed the call by about five minutes upon our return home. I didn't even realize what had happened until his mother called our house and spoke to my parents. I remember my father coming down, breaking the news to me, and my heart sunk. I went into a rage, because I was so infuriated at the fact that I had missed his call. That I, someone who called him friend, didn't even value his friendship while I had it, but instead I threw his friendship away while he was alive.
For a while I struggled with it. You can probably imagine that I sunk into a state of deep depression, felt guilty, and started to keep myself busy constantly so I wouldn't have to face it. Over time, as I reflect now, I sealed it away, locked the door, and threw away the keys.
As the years went by, it had become a thought that hadn't even crossed my mind until just a few days go. I was watching a movie called "To Save a Life" and as I was watching the scene where Roger, a young man who feels he has absolutely nothing, enters the high school he attends with a gun and fires a few rounds into the air. Rogers childhood friend, Jake Taylor, try's to stop him by telling him that he doesn't have to do this. Roger replies to Jake, "You never cared, you just walked by and forgot about me". Then, Roger takes his life in the school, right in front of Jake.
Within a few moments of watching that scene, God started to speak to me. He said, "Why are you holding on?" I replied, "I'm not holding onto anything" and of course, He replies to me "Yes you are or you wouldn't be getting so upset and your heart wouldn't be crying out as loudly as it is. My son, your holding on and you need to let it go". I began to cry, and just sat there for a few minutes reflecting, thinking, and analyzing what had just been revealed to me. I replied back to God, "I can't let go. I just can't, because he would still be here if I had answered the phone, if I had been a better friend, and if I would've kept my word". God replied to me and said "You don't know that for sure, Your focusing on the what if's of the situation at hand, and You need to let it go".
After about a good twenty to thirty minutes spent in prayer and conversing with God. I decided that it was time to take a stand and demolish a foothold in my life, that had been restricting me from moving forward. I asked God, during a time of deep prayer what I could do, and he replied to me "Go, seek counsel and prayer from those I've placed into your life. For they, just as you, have been given weapons that have the divine power to demolish strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4)".
So, this Sunday, I will be obedient to what God has instructed me to do and will do what it takes to demolish this foothold in my life, because I recognize now that these feelings were something of the enemy and not of God. That these feelings, were thoughts and issues that were placed into my mind, and eventually made their way into my heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". This verse doesn't indicate or lead us to suspect that we need to guard our heart on occasions, but instead at all times. Sometimes though, we become so caught up in the moment and with in that moment, we let our guard down. I, let my guard down, and thus a stronghold was established.
Luckily for me and you, there was one man who sacrificed His life, so that we would have the chance to accept His Grace. Through that Grace we were given an authority over the rulers, the darkness, and spiritual forces within the Heavenly Realms (Ephesians 6:10-19). We were equipped and given the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, that is Living and Active, that is sharper than any double edge sword, and that has the divine power to demolish these strongholds (Hebrews 4:12, 2 Corinthians 10:4).
Our God, doesn't want us to hold onto these things, but instead to Let them Go. To allow Him to help us bear the weight that is upon our shoulders and offer these things up to Him. He will never forsake us or leave us in anything that we may face and come against, but instead He will always be there (Deuteronomy 31:6).
In closing, I will say three simple words to those who maybe consciously holding on to these things, Let it Go. For those, who maybe sitting there thinking that they have nothing there holding on to or maybe just aren't sure as to whether or not there holding on to something, then I would issues this to you. Sit in silence, Pray allowed to your Father in Heaven, and ask Him to reveal to you anything that you may have been holding on to. If there is anything at all that God reveals to you, then I would submit that you would ask God to help you release those things and finally, Let it Go.
Stay Strong & Have Faith