I'M A CHRISTIAN...NOW WHAT?
God ALWAYS gives you a way of escape from the abusive relationship BUT He is NOT going to force you to leave! You must decide to leave and take the next step of walking out the door!! Don’t fear your abuser when you leave; God is with you! The abuser instills fear in you with threats and intimidation to make you afraid so you will want to leave. But trust God and follow the directions He will give you to lead you out and He will provide and protect you!
When I was in those abusive relationships (I had backslid) God protected and watched over me. Every time the guy would put the loaded gun to my head (most of the time he was in a drunken stupor or high) with his finger on the trigger, God stopped him! Every time the guy would choke me until I almost passed out, God would not let me die – even though sometimes I wanted to; I wanted the abuse to be over with and I saw that as my way out! However, God said, “NO SO!” God protected me, is and will continue to protect you because He loves us and has a great plan and purpose for our lives; He lets us know this in Jeremiah 29:11 ( “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” www.biblegateway.com – NLT – all Scripture that is quoted will come from biblegateway.com).
When God bring you out of that abusive relationship, DO NOT GO BACK! The person who is abusing you is under the control of the devil and CANNOT CHANGE OVERNIGHT BY HIM/HERSELF; THEY MUST BE DELIVERED BY GOD!! Don’t listen to their lies when they say they have changed; they have not! The abuser’s purpose is to destroy you! God let me knew that the devil sent the last abuser into my life to totally destroy me and he would have succeeded if God had not been protecting me. With this in mind, don’t keep putting your child(ren) or yourself at risk for the sake of “love” which in reality is not love but bondage and control! Here is the meaning of real love according to God’s Word; this is the God kind of love:
New Living Translation (NLT)
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Ephesians 5:25-27 tells us how a husband is supposed to treat his wife: “25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault” (NLT).
Ephesians 5:22-24 tells what a wife should do: “22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything” (NLT).
Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman (Genesis 1:27-28: “27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground”- NLT; Genesis 5:2; Mark 10:6: “But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation”- NLT); it parallels the union that exists spiritually between Christ and His Bride, the Church (the above Scriptures proves this)!
The love a husband has for his wife is symbolic of the love Christ has for His Church and the wife’s love for her husband is symbolic of how Christ’s Church is to submit herself to Him (again, you see this in Ephesians 5:22-27). When the husband and wife love each other the way God says to love, they are obeying Him. Therefore, it is very important to be whole and an individual person before you get married; otherwise, you will not be able to obey God in this. In order to be whole and an individual person after the abusive relationship, God will have to give you an inner healing so don’t be in a rush to get into another relationship once God brings you out of the current abusive relationship! God has to take you through your cleansing process; your process of deliverance – because all that junk (name calling, threats, fear, intimidation, etc.) that was poured into you day after day by your abuser and the results (low self-esteem, codependency, anger, lack of confidence, etc.) must come out of you before you go into another relationship! God will restore you if you allow Him too! The length of time it takes for your deliverance and restoration process depends on you! However, this must be done before you will be able to have a healthy, godly relationship with anyone else; otherwise, you will end up with another abusive man/woman and take old baggage into the new relationship – the cycle of abuse will continue in your life and your child(ren) life! Stop the drama once God bring you out of the current abusive relationship or if He has brought you out, make sure you are whole and complete before going to the next relationship!
I know from experience what it is like not to allow God to deliver and restore you when He bring you out of the abusive relationship; I jumped from one relationship to another – trying to forget the previous person – it did not work. This only put me deeper into the bondage of domestic violence and abuse and made me more anger and bitter to the point many times the devil told me to end my life and the abuser’s too but again, God said, “NOT SO!” So you see, I know what you are going through; I have been there many, many, many times!! If it had not been for God on my side, I would either be dead and in hell, in a mental hospital or in prison for murder!!! No joke!! For all those who do not know me or my story, you can read it in my book “Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman;” order a copy from Lulu.com (you can download it right away) – if you cannot afford it, contact me @ firstname.lastname@example.org and I will send you a free copy.
In October 2006, God put an end to me going from relationship to relationship; He told me “Enough is enough” and snatched me out of the last abusive marriage – I have not been in another abusive relationship or marriage since then and WILL NEVER BE! Praise the Lord!!! I refuse to allow myself to get caught up with the wrong guy anymore; I know who I am in Christ and I will NEVER again go looking for love in all the wrong places – I know God loves me and He will put the right man in my life when it is time – not in any hurry! Right now I am enjoying me and building a deeper more intimate relationship with God!!! God has been delivering, restoring and preparing me since November 2006 so I could do what He called me to do: Heal His Women!! In November 2006, God spoke to me (after he delivered me from unforgiveness towards the last abuser) and told me to heal His women. In June 2007, God begin my ministry of helping abused women recover. Now, God has given me many different platforms to use to reach His abused women.
You see, I know God is not a respecter of persons; just as He delivered me from the bondage of domestic violence and abuse and restored me, He can and will do it for you if you give Him a chance.
Once your process of deliverance and restoration has reached the point where you desire to be married again (you will know and definitely God will know) ask God for a compatible mate; compatibility is the key to a God ordained mate. No, God is not going to pick a mate for you because He gives us a choice but He will present you with a person compatible to you and it is up to you to accept or reject who God put in your path. In Genesis 2:18: (“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” – NKJV) God said He would give Adam a help mate who was compatible to him (the NLT version says “I will make a helper who is just right for him”) or equally yoked with him.
I found out the hard way we as children of God (even when we do not know we are a child of God) are not compatible with everyone – even if the person is confessing Christ. Everyone does not have the same belief or moral system so if you connect with someone who does not believe as you, there can be a conflict in the relationship – this includes friendships also. Deuteronomy 7:3:(“ You must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters”) proves this to us; God warned the Israelites not to marry the Canaanites. The Canaanites did not serve God, they worshipped false gods. God did not want His people to be corrupted by unholy people. Amos 3:3 asks the question “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” The answer is NO, they cannot! How can God and the devil agree? God stands for holiness and the devil for unholiness. God gives life through His Son Jesus (John 10:10) and the devil steals, kills and destroys (John 10:10). This is broken down for us even further in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18:
14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? 16 And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 17 Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don’t touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you. 18 And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty” (NLT).
Before I end the “Introduction” and start the teaching, I want to leave you with this tidbit: an unbeliever can be someone confessing to be born again but does not believe as you do; according to the Word of God. There are people who believe in God but not Jesus! ANYONE who does not believe according to the Word of God are unbelievers; they have their own doctrine!!!! This is what Paul told Timothy in 1Timothy 1:3-4:
“3 As I urged you when I went into Macedonia—remain in Ephesus that you may charge some that they teach no other doctrine, 4 nor give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which cause disputes rather than godly edification which is in faith”(NKJV).
Next section posted will be “Domestic Violence Series (Part 2) – “Domestic Violence Myths and Realities” on Thursday, July 19th.
In His Service,
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks